News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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