4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
