I just pynch a tree in the face
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
