1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
