i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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