What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
