It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
