i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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