dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
