The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
