I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
