Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
