I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
