happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
