All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
