o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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