i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
