I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
