Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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