my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
