the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
