fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
