I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
