Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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