now i know why i became what i already was.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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