R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
