There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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