Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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