I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
