why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
