Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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