She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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