I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Floor bacon is actually really good
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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