Christians are straight up FREAKS
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
