the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
