somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
