...so i touched it.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
