she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
