Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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