have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
