I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
if only i could text you this smell
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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