I got her a Nickelback box set.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
