I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
