I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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