Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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