booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
