Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
