so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There's always time for handjobs
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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