hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
