ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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