God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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