im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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